It’s been a crazy six weeks. Life has been busy, and I’ve been pretty fucking miserable. Work is stressful and new. The hours are long. I’m afraid I suck at everything involved in it. Which makes me just barely manageable to both myself and those in my personal life. I don’t even want to get out of bed most days. I truly thought that if I were patient, things would calm down and I’d be back to feeling like my normally weird self. To an extent they have, but not to such a great extent that it really makes a noticeable difference. Wow, I’m just a ray of sunshine, huh??
So after laying in bed for an hour this morning, not sleeping, lamenting the fact that today is yet another day that I have to be an adult, I somehow came to the conclusion that today was the day things needed to stop sucking. So instead of “being patient” and giving things time to work themselves out so that I’ll feel better about life in general, I decided that I just needed to make myself feel better about life.
I grudgingly (and tearfully – yes, it’s that bad) got myself out of bed, threw on my sneakers and committed to a mile on the treadmill. I know myself well enough to know that pushing myself in a workout, regardless of how minimal, will always help burn off frustration. Especially when that frustration seems to be geared towards the world at large and there’s no particular solution to my woes. Then I took the dog for a walk because for all my “I love JD” Facebook posts, I still think this giant furry ball of energy is neglected at times, and I feel like complete shit about that. Ten humid, sweaty minutes of walking and training later I had taken another action that helped keep me from feeling like a waste of space. Then, I sat down at the computer for a few minutes of “let me see what the internet has to offer today” time. I found myself reading though the blog posts from 30 Days Of Weird and I was sooooooo happy. I love this site I’ve created and the honest words I’ve been able to share because of it. And, that series was so much fun!
I’m not in a position to post every day right now, but I miss you guys, and my computer, and the clarity that putting my thoughts into words creates. There’s no real point to this post, other than to ensure I do one more thing this morning that makes me feel good before I have to head out into the world and be a productive member of society. So really, I’m just here, saying “Hi” because I can and because it makes me smile.