Not too long ago my father was in the hospital. He was all drugged up on pain meds and was talking crazy. With every strange and off the wall comment that came out of his mouth I had a quick, funny, and perfectly calm response. This became quite entertaining to the rest of my family present at the time.
When my mom asked me how I come up with these quick retorts, my answer was simple. I live with Tyler.
One of my favorite things about Ty is his quick wit and his ability to make me smile. Even (no, especially) when I don’t want to. I love that we can banter back and forth. It keeps my brain working and the belly laughs coming. Although, he always has the last word. Inevitably I’m left with an open mouth and a “I really have no idea what to say to that” look on my face.
A few days ago-
Tyler: I’m kind of horny
Me: Well maybe we can do it when you get back from dinner.
Tyler: Yes. And I’ll talk dirty to you. Like “Oh yeah baby, look at our carpet!”
Me: *death stare, because I know where this is going*
Tyler: What?! It’s our carpet is very dirty!
Guess I’ll be shampooing the carpets soon. Also, guess who won’t be getting any anytime soon.
In the middle of a conversation about unhealthy relationships –
Me: I think I’d put up with a lot shit for a while, but if it kept up I’d have to walk out the door. What’s the worst thing a girlfriend could do to you?
Me: Oh, I’m sorry did I interrupt your conversation with your other girlfriend?
Ty: The worst thing a girlfriend could do to me is tease me about my other girlfriend. I mean I’d allow it for a while but eventually she’d have to walk out the door.
Me: SHE’D have to walk out the door???
Ty: Yeah. I’m too busy texting to go anywhere.
Over Christmas Eve Brunch-
Me: My mom got you a really awesome Christmas present.
Ty: What is it?
Me: I’m not telling.
Ty: Is it tool?
Me: No. But it’s useful. That’s all I’ll tell you.
Ty: Sounding super excited and hopeful at the same time. A merkin?!
Me: *spit my wine across the bar*
(For the record the gift was actually this really cool humidor for pipe tobacco she found at a antique store. We found that it is insulated with newspaper. The newspaper is from Leicester, England, dated July 4, 1925. How cool is that?)
Another thing I love about Ty is that he gets as excited about nifty antiques with history and 90 year old newspapers as I do.